Thank You!

Thank you God for blessing me with this talent and the drive and determination to make it a career. Because of this, I am able to be a full time mother, yet have a career.  Each morning, the kids and I get up and they get ready for school while I of course make my ever present cup of coffee.  We sit on the front deck and they play with the dogs, Little Man sleds down the front steps (since there isn’t enough snow this year for the neighbor to build us a huge snow hill in the yard), we joke and laugh, and talk about the dreams from the night before.  We chat about their friends and school, and what we want to do this summer.  We cuddle and laugh and listen to Bug tell silly jokes.  We plan on what we’ll do when they get home from school.

Yes, this would not be possible without the blessings you have bestowed upon me and my children.   Thank you God.

Snow & Fun

It’s been such an easy unusual winter.  Very little snow.  And now that there is a bit here around our little town, the snowmobiles are coming out!  And today, some great friends of ours dropped by to play in it!  They made the journey with their truck, trailer, and snowmobiles and we all proceeded to venture out into the snow.  My dear Little Man had a blast!  One of my friends has an amazing racing sled.  The thing scares the hell outta me, but Little Man LOVES it.  So off they went, doing that manly thing together!  LOL  The grin on his face stretched from one side of the yard to the other!

Bug even got into the game and giggle and screamed on her rides!  Her pink coat and blue helmet were funny to see together as they shot across the snow.  All in all, a great fantastic day for the kids and me!  On my little trip around the yard, I yelled my head off and everyone laughed at me.  That’s cool.  Mom’s are supposed to be entertaining, right?  LOL

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Cool Things

Since creating the blog as a way to express myself and capture the joys and falls of my life, I’m humbled by the number of readers I have.  A lot of one time visitors, but in the last few years, I’ve implemented a very cool tracker that shows me pretty much exactly who visits from locations, times, web hosts, towns, businesses, schools, homes, etc.  It’s pretty cool.  It’s one of those behind the scene things, it can’t be seen as the blog is viewed, and I have a special account that I have to log into to view it and it was quite extensive to install, but it’s an interesting tool to use.   I know all of my local visitors and it even allows me to label them by name.    It captures length of visits, what posts are visited, return visits, and so on.  It’s pretty cool.

It’s very cool.  LOL  Obviously someone thinks my thoughts and daily life is interesting.  =0)

Thank you so much for visiting!

Michelle

Helping Others

I’ve always been a strong believer in helping others.  I was raised that way.  That was part of my reasoning for joining the military way back when.  And over the years I’ve been able to.  Small things like choosing to sponsor a family or child during the holidays.  Bigger things like donating to organizations or giving to fund raisers.  Helping a friend in need.  Holding their hand when something has happened in their life.  Sitting on the phone until all hours of the night.  Helping during fun things as well such as working cattle, helping them move, fight flood waters.  There are so many ways to help others.

But t his past week, I received a phone call from a woman whom I had photographed.  She had just seen her images.  And she was in tears.  She explained to me that she had been in a relationship in which she had been made to feel as if she was not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough.  She had not necessarily been told that, but the attitude of the man she had been with left her feeling empty, alone, ugly.  After a few years, she had given up on herself.  She said she had become an empty shell who didn’t care about what happened to her.  She simply got up every morning, did her job, functioned, went to sleep and started all over again while he enjoyed his life.  Then, he replaced her.  Which of course, devastated her even more.

A few weeks ago, she was invited to be part of a portrait party that a friend of hers was throwing.  Of course, I was the photographer.  I brought some of my own props and clothing along and when we got to her turn, I kind of questioned what she brought.  It was drab and blah and was not in the true spirit of the party.  So out came my stuff, another girl did her makeup and another curled her hair.  By the time she was in front of the camera, she was a new person.  Both on the outside AND on the inside.  She glowed.  She was truly as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside.  It was glorious to see that transformation.  And it happened in stages.  Step by step with the encouragement of her good friends she shed her old shell and blossomed.  It was glorious.

In her phone call, she shared her story with me.  And she actually thanked me for helping her realize how beautiful she is both on the inside and the outside.  For helping her to realize that it wasn’t HER problem that the man she was with was the way he was.  That it was HIS issue that she had subconsciously chosen to take on as her own issue.  That night, she had begun the self building process of shedding his baggage.  And by the time we ended our phone call, we had both shared our stories, and were laughing, and we are both looking forward to our next photo shoot!

I feel so good about being able to help someone on such a personal important level.  It’s amazing how a person can take on such a burden without realizing it and disappear under it’s weight.  It’s also entirely possible that the man in past had no idea that the changes that happened in her during their relationship was due to his way of relating to her.  Not that it is any excuse.  But I’m so happy to know that she is able to see herself as the beautiful, confident, intelligent woman she is.

 

Apologies

About a year ago, I was probably at one of the lowest points of my married life.  I was lost and confused and hurting and angry and mad and sad and everything else that goes along with one’s dreams of the perfect love being in reality a farce on both sides. I was still so mentally and emotionally conditioned to please someone in any way I could that I even felt that I needed to apologize to anyone and everyone I had thought were my friends for the past several years.  Looking back, I realize that not one of those people were actually my friends.  They were my ex-husband’s friends.  They just dealt with me because of him.  None of them really had ever cared for me as a friend.  I was simple a source of gossip and laughter for them.  I never did fit in.  I didn’t care about fancy clothes and jewelery.  I didn’t spend hundreds of dollars a month getting my hair dyed and my nails done.  I didn’t get a baby sitter every weekend night and head for the bars.  My version of an enjoyable outing was to have coffee…with some of those people.  Jeepers!  What a fool I was!  My own real friends drifted off because they did not feel welcome or comfortable with the way he treated them.  And the distance from where I had moved to from where they lived created issues as well.  So essentially, I was alone in his world.

The one I needed to apologize to was myself.  Me.  Little Ol’ Me.  Why?  Because I let myself become so emotionally manipulated and controlled that I simply shut down from the inside out.  I didn’t give my own opinions on anything, mainly because I would be called stupid.  I felt ugly, I never felt that I was good enough, that what I did was good enough, that I could do anything good enough.  And that was in every aspect.  From working cows, to riding horses, to cleaning house, to cooking, to sex.  When you get told enough that you just don’t do it right or you didn’t clean well enough or you are getting fat or you’re lazy in bed, you eventually start to believe it and quit caring.  And that’s what I did.  All I could wonder is who the green eyed girl was.  Why I couldn’t do the dishes right.  Why I couldn’t get the clothes clean enough.  Why I came in behind that damned used manure spreader when all I wanted…WE NEEDED was a cheap refrigerator on sale.  I quit caring. I quit caring about myself.  The first word automatically out of my mouth was usually “Sorry”…because I just knew I had done something wrong.  The only things that did brighten my life was my children and my career…and my career was under constant pressure because that was not good enough either.

So I apologize to myself.  I am sorry I allowed myself to be that beaten down.

New Ways Of Living

Well, it’s almost like the middle of summer here work wise! I have about a total of 5000 images I need to get through this week! WOW! That’s more than two full rodeos! Insane! LOL But wonderful! Labor intensive, but a blast! And after this weekend when I have found that so many people just can not stand to see other people happy, I am blessed to be able to say that it doesn’t bring me down, it just makes me appreciate my wonderful life more. There are so many people out there who are so unhappy in their own lives that they work so hard to destroy other people. I am so blessed to be happy in my life with the fabulous people in it.

I have learned not to let those late night phone calls from other people’s unhappy hubby’s thinking I need some “comforting” in my “loneliness” when their wives are at the lake bother me.  It’s really funny actually when those phone calls happen when there are others present to witness them!

I have also learned not to keep things inside until they build up so much that they depress me.  I have fabulous friends I can talk to!  I confront people who gossip about me.  And I do so with joy.

I focus on my children 100%.  They are a blessing from God!  They are my Sun and my Moon.  And I make sure that they know that.  I have watched them blossom so much in the last 2 years.  All three of us have blossomed in the last 2 years.

I have learned what it is to be in a healthy relationship where there is no pressure to be submissive.  It is so wonderful to watch out the window in happy anticipation instead of dread and fear.  It is wonderful to sit beside someone and have a conversation that does not end in me being called stupid.  It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who is positive, happy, loving, and emotionally supportive.  It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who gives and doesn’t take.  It makes me want to give more and more.  It’s so nice to be in a relationship with someone who is so happy and content with who he is that he fully 100% supports my goals and encourages the new ideas and amazing growth of my career.  He’s not jealous of it, he’s not intimidated by it.  He accepts and embraces my friends instead of driving them off to isolate me. He’s such a positive influence on my children, showing them that respect and caring between people is important.  That control and intimidation is wrong.

We’ve both had a hell of  past, mistakes on both sides.  But neither of us are the type of person to hold those mistakes against each other…especially when it would “benefit” the other, and we talk….really talk.  And instead of judging each other, we support each other.  Not once has he yelled at me.  Not once has he called me a name.  Not once has he made me cry.  Not once have I felt intimidated or afraid with him.  Just joy, happiness, contentment.

It’s such a different and wonderful way to feel.  I love it.  He has made me grow so much inside.  He’s taught me how real love is supposed to be.  He’s taught me how to trust someone else with my inner most thoughts, ideas, fears.

What a good way to live life.

Thank you God.

Today ‘VS’ Yesteryear

It’s amazing how different things can be.  Being surrounded by such wonderful positive people has changed my life.  Being accepted for who you are, including your faults and low points, instead of ridiculed and punished for them is amazing.  I have such an amazing positive life filled with love and friendship.  I can rely on all of those I surround myself with now instead of having to hide my emotions, I can always talk things through with a great friend or two and know that they will not turn on me when I need them for their own personal benefit.  Having removed all those toxic people from my life has been a blessing, as God has replaced them with people of real feelings and friendship.

The Best Way To Spend New Years Day.

With amazing family and friends!

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Summer Evenings

The kids and I had so much fun this summer.  It was crazy busy…so busy that I was seldom here, but that did not stop me from capturing our lovely days and evenings as we enjoyed them!

Today I came across these.  The kids and I started a new tradition this summer.  We make a wish, or say something out loud we want gone from our lives or what we are thankful for.  And it’s amazing what come out of children’s thoughts!  I love my babies.  They are the only thing that is important.

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We release the lantern and watch it float far away.  Taking our feelings, thoughts, joys, emotions with it.  And the kids love it.  And so do I.  What a wonderful way to express ourselves.  It’s another blessing we share together as a family.

Michelle

Best Saying I’ve Heard In A Long Time…

I find it funny how if one person stands up for themselves…rather than bending over and taking it in the shorts…others get so pissy and defensive. But if those others stand up for themselves, others gather like flies to shit….