Excited

I’m so excited about this coming spring, summer and fall.  As busy as I’ve been all winter, the year coming up promises to be amazing.  Possibly another calendar shoot, certainly a lot of water shooting.  And with my rodeos and weddings, well, it’s going to be good.  My Mom was so right when she said that I had been held back and restricted.  I see so many wonderful things coming in the future.   And, with the possibility of purchasing some cows, it’s just going to be better and better.

The most wonderful thing is that my children can be with me for 90% of my work.  It’s fabulous.  We get to do some traveling and meet so many great people.  They love it as much as I do.  And this summer, I should be able to start the landscaping of the yard for the close setups I want. And perhaps in 2013 I’ll be adding on a new building for the studio here at the house.  That will rock.  So many plans, so many possibilities, so many dreams coming true  now.

 

Dancing Smiles

Last night, the kids and I were invited to a dance performance!  It was so fun and cute and wonderful!  Smiles and tutus and dance shoes and cheers and screams!  These lovely children preformed during half time at the local basket ball team and it was wonderful!  We were there specifically for one lovely dancing girl and fell in love with all of them!  There were even two young gentlemen who performed and they rocked it!

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A New Weekend Art Project

So yesterday, while I was getting the house ready for our 1st Annual Super Bowl Party (Which ROCKED by the way!), Loren sat down with the kids and their friends with a new project that we had discussed doing.  So of course, me being me, I put down the party goods and got the camera out.

His mother, a wonderful strong intelligent woman, has a glass cutting system.  So he borrowed it for the day.  And we sat down to do a bit of experimenting.  There are so many wasted bottles and such out there, and honestly, some very pretty shapes and colors, so why not make a vase, or a drinking glass, or a candle holder?

Little Man found it so interesting!

The girls sat back and watched hesitantly at first.  After all, how can you cut glass?  LOL  Because at 13, you know everything!

God forbid a girl put down her phone!  LOL

I love the fact that Loren stressed the importance of reading and following the directions of any new project that the kids start.

Little Man found it fascinating. He didn’t understand how just scoring the bottle would work in causing the two halves of the bottle to separate.

He was quite skeptical, but hung in there!

Even the girls….who at 13…are captivated by the process.

Some girl talk going on.

Some heating….Some cooling….And some sanding….Look at that focus!

As you can see, these two are quite proud of the final results!  LOL

Pleasent Evenings

Yesterday, Mom came to visit and spend the night.  Of course the kids and I did it up right for her and we had my famous ribs, potatoes, garlic bread and more.  Even a glass of wine with supper.  The kids drank a soda each from a wine glass and felt so very grown up about it.  Loren joined us for supper and met Mom for the first time.  They got along wonderfully.  We had a fun filled evening with laughter and great conversation.  The kids were a hoot and so entertaining.  Little Man was telling his fabulous stories and covered in BBQ Sauce.  LOL  He sure loves his ribs!

After Loren headed home for the evening, Mom and I sat up late and just talked and laughed.  It’s so good to spend time with her.  There was a time in our lives where we were not so close, and it was both of our faults.  It’s so wonderful that we’ve grown so close again.  Mom is one of my best friends and such a good person.  She’s had a rough life, but has come out if it better for it and so happy.  She spends every moment she can with her grand children…all of them…and is such a good inspirational influence on them.

This morning, over coffee she told me how a few years back, that she didn’t think that an evening like that was possible.  She spoke about how she’d never felt welcome…and that it was not my fault.    She talked about she’s seen both of my children grow and become so happy and content in the last two years.  How Bug has become such an intelligent confident young woman when she used to be clingy and afraid.  She said that the change in me has been amazing.  I’ve regained my confidence and smile.  That I’m happy and laugh now.

She was impressed on how attentive and kind Loren is.  How obviously respectful he is of everyone around him.  I told her this morning how, a person I was with in the past spoke the first time of his mother.

“I don’t speak to her unless I have to.”  That is a direct quote.  I will never forget that statement.

That should have been my first clue.

With Loren, it’s so different.  He and his brother were raised by his mother, who worked so hard every day of her life for them and to raise them with respect and caring and compassion for others.  He is happy in his life and with his success.  He doesn’t feel like he has to prove anything to anyone.  He doesn’t need to act the “big” man in any group.

He said, “My brother and I were raised by our mother.”  And when he said it, I could hear the respect and love he holds her in.  What a wonderful positive thing!

He was so respectful and engaging with Mom.  She was very impressed.  LOL  I laughed this morning and we joked about how I should have been born a biker babe and not a cowgirl!  LOL

Too funny.

Michelle

Snow & Fun

It’s been such an easy unusual winter.  Very little snow.  And now that there is a bit here around our little town, the snowmobiles are coming out!  And today, some great friends of ours dropped by to play in it!  They made the journey with their truck, trailer, and snowmobiles and we all proceeded to venture out into the snow.  My dear Little Man had a blast!  One of my friends has an amazing racing sled.  The thing scares the hell outta me, but Little Man LOVES it.  So off they went, doing that manly thing together!  LOL  The grin on his face stretched from one side of the yard to the other!

Bug even got into the game and giggle and screamed on her rides!  Her pink coat and blue helmet were funny to see together as they shot across the snow.  All in all, a great fantastic day for the kids and me!  On my little trip around the yard, I yelled my head off and everyone laughed at me.  That’s cool.  Mom’s are supposed to be entertaining, right?  LOL

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Cool Things

Since creating the blog as a way to express myself and capture the joys and falls of my life, I’m humbled by the number of readers I have.  A lot of one time visitors, but in the last few years, I’ve implemented a very cool tracker that shows me pretty much exactly who visits from locations, times, web hosts, towns, businesses, schools, homes, etc.  It’s pretty cool.  It’s one of those behind the scene things, it can’t be seen as the blog is viewed, and I have a special account that I have to log into to view it and it was quite extensive to install, but it’s an interesting tool to use.   I know all of my local visitors and it even allows me to label them by name.    It captures length of visits, what posts are visited, return visits, and so on.  It’s pretty cool.

It’s very cool.  LOL  Obviously someone thinks my thoughts and daily life is interesting.  =0)

Thank you so much for visiting!

Michelle

Apologies

About a year ago, I was probably at one of the lowest points of my married life.  I was lost and confused and hurting and angry and mad and sad and everything else that goes along with one’s dreams of the perfect love being in reality a farce on both sides. I was still so mentally and emotionally conditioned to please someone in any way I could that I even felt that I needed to apologize to anyone and everyone I had thought were my friends for the past several years.  Looking back, I realize that not one of those people were actually my friends.  They were my ex-husband’s friends.  They just dealt with me because of him.  None of them really had ever cared for me as a friend.  I was simple a source of gossip and laughter for them.  I never did fit in.  I didn’t care about fancy clothes and jewelery.  I didn’t spend hundreds of dollars a month getting my hair dyed and my nails done.  I didn’t get a baby sitter every weekend night and head for the bars.  My version of an enjoyable outing was to have coffee…with some of those people.  Jeepers!  What a fool I was!  My own real friends drifted off because they did not feel welcome or comfortable with the way he treated them.  And the distance from where I had moved to from where they lived created issues as well.  So essentially, I was alone in his world.

The one I needed to apologize to was myself.  Me.  Little Ol’ Me.  Why?  Because I let myself become so emotionally manipulated and controlled that I simply shut down from the inside out.  I didn’t give my own opinions on anything, mainly because I would be called stupid.  I felt ugly, I never felt that I was good enough, that what I did was good enough, that I could do anything good enough.  And that was in every aspect.  From working cows, to riding horses, to cleaning house, to cooking, to sex.  When you get told enough that you just don’t do it right or you didn’t clean well enough or you are getting fat or you’re lazy in bed, you eventually start to believe it and quit caring.  And that’s what I did.  All I could wonder is who the green eyed girl was.  Why I couldn’t do the dishes right.  Why I couldn’t get the clothes clean enough.  Why I came in behind that damned used manure spreader when all I wanted…WE NEEDED was a cheap refrigerator on sale.  I quit caring. I quit caring about myself.  The first word automatically out of my mouth was usually “Sorry”…because I just knew I had done something wrong.  The only things that did brighten my life was my children and my career…and my career was under constant pressure because that was not good enough either.

So I apologize to myself.  I am sorry I allowed myself to be that beaten down.

New Ways Of Living

Well, it’s almost like the middle of summer here work wise! I have about a total of 5000 images I need to get through this week! WOW! That’s more than two full rodeos! Insane! LOL But wonderful! Labor intensive, but a blast! And after this weekend when I have found that so many people just can not stand to see other people happy, I am blessed to be able to say that it doesn’t bring me down, it just makes me appreciate my wonderful life more. There are so many people out there who are so unhappy in their own lives that they work so hard to destroy other people. I am so blessed to be happy in my life with the fabulous people in it.

I have learned not to let those late night phone calls from other people’s unhappy hubby’s thinking I need some “comforting” in my “loneliness” when their wives are at the lake bother me.  It’s really funny actually when those phone calls happen when there are others present to witness them!

I have also learned not to keep things inside until they build up so much that they depress me.  I have fabulous friends I can talk to!  I confront people who gossip about me.  And I do so with joy.

I focus on my children 100%.  They are a blessing from God!  They are my Sun and my Moon.  And I make sure that they know that.  I have watched them blossom so much in the last 2 years.  All three of us have blossomed in the last 2 years.

I have learned what it is to be in a healthy relationship where there is no pressure to be submissive.  It is so wonderful to watch out the window in happy anticipation instead of dread and fear.  It is wonderful to sit beside someone and have a conversation that does not end in me being called stupid.  It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who is positive, happy, loving, and emotionally supportive.  It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who gives and doesn’t take.  It makes me want to give more and more.  It’s so nice to be in a relationship with someone who is so happy and content with who he is that he fully 100% supports my goals and encourages the new ideas and amazing growth of my career.  He’s not jealous of it, he’s not intimidated by it.  He accepts and embraces my friends instead of driving them off to isolate me. He’s such a positive influence on my children, showing them that respect and caring between people is important.  That control and intimidation is wrong.

We’ve both had a hell of  past, mistakes on both sides.  But neither of us are the type of person to hold those mistakes against each other…especially when it would “benefit” the other, and we talk….really talk.  And instead of judging each other, we support each other.  Not once has he yelled at me.  Not once has he called me a name.  Not once has he made me cry.  Not once have I felt intimidated or afraid with him.  Just joy, happiness, contentment.

It’s such a different and wonderful way to feel.  I love it.  He has made me grow so much inside.  He’s taught me how real love is supposed to be.  He’s taught me how to trust someone else with my inner most thoughts, ideas, fears.

What a good way to live life.

Thank you God.

Today ‘VS’ Yesteryear

It’s amazing how different things can be.  Being surrounded by such wonderful positive people has changed my life.  Being accepted for who you are, including your faults and low points, instead of ridiculed and punished for them is amazing.  I have such an amazing positive life filled with love and friendship.  I can rely on all of those I surround myself with now instead of having to hide my emotions, I can always talk things through with a great friend or two and know that they will not turn on me when I need them for their own personal benefit.  Having removed all those toxic people from my life has been a blessing, as God has replaced them with people of real feelings and friendship.

Summer Evenings

The kids and I had so much fun this summer.  It was crazy busy…so busy that I was seldom here, but that did not stop me from capturing our lovely days and evenings as we enjoyed them!

Today I came across these.  The kids and I started a new tradition this summer.  We make a wish, or say something out loud we want gone from our lives or what we are thankful for.  And it’s amazing what come out of children’s thoughts!  I love my babies.  They are the only thing that is important.

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We release the lantern and watch it float far away.  Taking our feelings, thoughts, joys, emotions with it.  And the kids love it.  And so do I.  What a wonderful way to express ourselves.  It’s another blessing we share together as a family.

Michelle